From the recording Wait, What?


I was making love to Scarlett Johansson,
Who calls me Mr. Handsome
Told me with tears of joy I was the very
Very best lover she’d ever been with
I said tell me something I don’t know
And then she did
That I reminded her of Brad Pitt
And I said true, me too, I remind me of him too

We went at it all night, I was on fire,
and I’m not a liar
Fourth of July and Bastille Day
A revolution is what she said
She’d never known real love before
She wanted more, and did she get more
Before I lit up a cigarette
And she smiled as she caught her breath

But then the gentle snore of my old lady
Brought me back ashore to another reality
And by the glow of the moon I saw a little drool
Trickle down her cheek and my knees grew weak

Oh, Scarlett, we need to talk, this is no joke
You say you need me, but, you see,
My heart is taken, I’m not free
You say you won’t love anymore,
There’s no one else you can adore
But please let your wishes not be for me
There’s plenty fishes in the sea
Now I lie in bed, just a little red, in my purple onesies,
My wife who calls me Mr. Handsome, asleep right next to me
There’s no one else I will adore, no one else I will love anymore
If not for that tiny little drool
I’d have made of me such a fool

Oh yes, her gentle snore brought me back to her tender shore
Scarlett, stop calling me, it’s getting awkward can’t you see?
Under the shimmering moon I roll over so we can spoon
Scarlett, however real I seemed, I will always be just a dream